Does this car make my butt look big?

This photo is from Saturday night at Kenny's Christmas party which was held at the Shrek restaurant at Opryland. So fun.

Okay, so just to show you that people are in the loving holiday spirit I'm gonna tell you two stories that happened in a one week period.

First, some asshole woman in the Kohl's got her twat in a wad because the non speaka Mexican lady that was helping me with my jewelry purchase wasn't getting her box fast enough. My mom (who was in a wheelchair at the time.) and I bought a couple things then decided to purchase one more thing and as we got to the counter, this bitch screams, "R U GONNA GET THOSE BOXES?"

To which little sweet Mexican woman replies, "I'm with a customer right now, I'll be with you in just a moment." Then waddy twat screams, "WE WERE CUSTOMERS FIRST!" Then stormed out the front door but not before me and another lady yelled a bright, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" to her. I mean it's not bad enough that you're beating up on the one person who is having to endure all of the pesty shoppers three weeks before Christmas but she's helping two fat ladies and one of them is in a wheelchair. Omg, that bitch is going to hell...

Second, I work on a hill and when I have to pull out of our parking lot there are cars falling down the hill at you. They know they're speeding but they do it anyway, so I pulled out and Martha Stewart was flying down the hill at my car. And she might have had to pump her brakes to avoid hitting me.

Well how about this bitch is back there cussing like a sailor and then pulls her cell phone out to take a picture of the back or my car. Wtf? Are you kidding me? Once we got to the stop light, she took another photo to which I held my hands up in the middle of the car so she could see them and started to clap....I mean, "Yah for you Martha! You're taking a photo of a fat girls car." Whatever whore.

And as luck would have it, she turned left right behind me onto the next street and since the speed limit is 35 I made sure to go 15 just to beat that bitch down. As we approached the next light I really had to turn to go meet Kenny for lunch so I made sure to give her the double fuck sign with both my giant man hands. She'll probably be slicing my tires open when I least expect it.

I mean how did this bitch not know that I wasn't carrying an AK47 in my Cruiser to kill her Martha Stewart looking ass for being so obnoxious? You don't do crap that anymore or you'll end up dead on the skreet. And yes, I called it a skreet and not a street. Martha Stewart better check herself before she wrecks herself.